What Have I Done?

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O happiness! There is Grace enough for us,
and the whole human race!

What have I done?
I have spent decades in search of myself for only myself, Heart closed, walls built, pain enshrined…

What have I done?
I have hurt and been hurt, disrespected and been disrespected, used and been used…

What have I done?
I have hidden from others, not made eye contact in fear of being seen or seeing others…

What have I done?
I have developed talents and abilities fueled by desire for attention and recognition, then pulled back right at the line, hermitting away, “unworthy…”

What have I done?
I have realized the improper motives in use of my gifts, set them aside for rebooting, and made every effort to continue purely…

What have I done?
I have dug to the root of my self-esteem, examined and analyzed in the light of objective reality, and striven to re-wire conditionings there…

What have I done?
I have removed the seal enshrouding my Heart, exposed it in faith it can breathe this Air…

What have I done?
I have let someOne see me, caress me, and boundlessly Love me…

What have I done?
I have let thisOne see her, caress her, and boundlessly Love her…

What have I done?
I have enfolded Her children, spiritual offspring to raise as my own…

What have I done?
I have offered my seed in expression of stitching, uniting, eternally bound…

What have I done?
I have created a Human, manifestation of Love, with my Lover, my Soulmate, my Devi, my Wife…

What have I done to deserve all this… Perfection?

And I’ll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you…

And my hands are holding you.

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One comment

  1. Melissa Rae says:

    It is funny….isn't it? To think one's self unworthy … undesirable … To feel one is not able or incapable … So much pain and conditioning is toppled upon us from birth. Some more than others. Yet we cannot grow unless we experience these tools and use them to tear down our inner walls and connect our hearts universally to all. It takes great courage to do so. To take the helm … look ourselves in the eyes …. and drive the blade through us that will become our salvation. Saving ourselves by learning how to grow and be comfortable in our own skin. Easy to say. Hard to do. I love you because we Are. We Have been. You and I are known by many names and stories … But true understanding comes from seeing each other … loving each other …. as we love ourselves. To stop from shrinking away from physical touch and emotional showings …. But to delight in them as though we were children in spring dancing around a maypole. To laugh as children do. To experience joy. Then to spread that love and joy to others. I love you.

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