Today, I am practicing breathing.
Lately I have felt as if I am trying to breathe amniotic fluid like our Julia.
She is breathing it to strengthen her lungs and prepare for the oxygen of the outside world, like Daddy…
I am breathing it to… [?]
Shallow, strained breathing causes the whole body to tense… tire… ache.
I find I stop breathing, even through my mouth, around smells and fumes in the air I don’t want inside my body: rotting garbage… vehicle exhaust… hair spray…
I notice I hold my breath when trying to be quiet and move around without waking my sleeping family…
I forget to breathe when I am concentrating on a project, absorbed in creativity…
I clamp up stock-still inside and out when I am upset or angry…
So why have I been having a hard time breathing?
Why have I been so tense?
Why have a felt like I cannot take a deep, full breath?
There is change.
There is nervousness.
There is anxiety.
There is concern.
There is fear.
There is ego.
There is attachment.
There is conditioning.
There is excitement.
There is hope.
There is joy.
There is happiness.
There is Love.
There is gratefulness.
There is fulfillment.
There is grace.
Today I am practicing breathing.
See how that feels?
It is okay to breathe in the Air…
I am strengthening my Lungs and preparing for the oxygen of the outside world, like…
You are doing everything exactly right. I love you, and am so blessed you are the father of Julia … the one for me. Do not doubt you are less than you need be. Know that you exceed all expectations.
Thank you, Baby.