Suspended

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Then a woman said, “Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.”
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy...
 
 
 
This verse from Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet is second only to the chapter on Love for me.
Such Truth resonates from it… such majestic, humbling honesty… such a tragic, uplifting reminder…
It wells tears even on the millionth reading.
 
Looking back over my 32 years in this body, I have gone through SO much to get where I am today. Some has been externally wrought… much more has been self-inflicted… choices made… desires chased…
 
I have hurt and been hurt.
I have loved and struggled to accept love.
I have disrespected and been disrespected.
 
And all of it was child’s play… a pushing against the boundaries… a testing of ideas and limits… a feeling for mySelf. “I think I want this— do I? Oo! Noooo! That’s not it after all… I know: maybe that! Hmmm, better, but still not quite… What if I take this part, and that part, and…”
 
Now look at me.
 
I look around me in near bewilderment at times:
I have an equal mate and healthy, loving relationship, not a fling, girlfriend or mere lover…
I have children who refuse to leave or let me leave without hugging and kissing me goodbye, no longer a hermit hiding alone…
I have a permanent job, not a 24/7 struggling for cash…
I have a house, not just an apartment…
I have talents and gifts that change others’ lives, not an empty wandering shell…
 
The list could go on, but the point is I see this Life has been brought to me by pain… and joy…
Verily, I am suspended like scales between my sorrow and my joy.
How would I even know one, without the other?
How could I even know me, without them?
 
And tears of gratefulness paint my canvas.
And tears of sorrow at the pain I have caused…
And tears of joy for those whose life I have touched…
And tears of sorrow from the pain I’ve endured…
And tears of joy from those who have touched my life…
 
And this sloshing inside reminds me… I am Alive.
I have earned this Life…
 
I deserve this. ૐ
 
 
 
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One comment

  1. Melissa Rae says:

    My love, you *do* deserve this. You have always deserved happiness. But you got in the way of it. Reach out … touch it … become intimate with it … for it is *yours* to have and to hold. Our struggles have been similar but the stories different. You have had flings, girlfriends, and mere lovers. An exploration of what you thought you want to get to what you really needed. Without having known the sting or triumph of each …. You never would have earned the knowledge …. the key …. the pass code …. to what you *do* want …. And what you finally *have*….. I have had 1 fling, one lover, and one life mate. Sex. Intimate relationships …those have not really been my experiences this life. Yet …. growing through formal education, volunteering, and working …. through having quadruplets …. from being (for a brief while) a national voice and speaker for march of dimes …. for flying all over the country (frequent flyer) for a couple of years … from meeting people of all walks of life and from varied prespectives/places. I gave of myself … until there was little of myself left. All to give myself to another group of people who took took took – hurt hurt hurt …. So that there would finally be none of me left … Just so that I COULD indeed figure out who I am … Know myself. It took hitting rock bottom for me to understand why I am here. As I have said … my growth has been tremendous…. once I accepted that for the last 32 years I have been disillsioned and an illusion. Only a small part of myself. Just a fraction of what Melissa truly is …. I never believed I was all that I have found I am … prior to hitting rock bottom. Now I understand that. And I see how much balance is important. You are the single most beautiful human I have ever known. Yet you are so much more than that. Your happiness makes my heart sing. I am with you always love, be not afraid … I love you.

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