The Daddy Wheel

Tomorrow is Father’s Day…
The subject and word of Father brings up so very much for me, on many levels.
I’ve been thinking about this lately…

I haven’t spoken to my own father in nearly two years, though he lives only twenty minutes away. A cauldron of past issues and present issues, combined with the need to remove myself for the good of both sides keeps me away…

The book I’m editing right now with my Starfield Press speaks several times on the instant cutting off of those in our lives, even for the sake of peace and growth… it suggests that even this is done in anger, and causes unrest and peace rather than healing… This has jumped out at me, and is simmering in my consciousness…

Then the father-in-law of a really good friend passed away this week. Though it was expected, and they were as prepared as any family can be for such an event after giving so much time and energy to caring for him, it has still been a difficult and emotional time for them… and part of me wonders: How will I feel/react to/experience the death of my own father?

With as much distance and disconnection as there is now, what will that be like?

He just turned sixty years old, which is odd to think of… he always seemed older, of course, as grown-ups always seem to children… but the triplets I now have are twenty-five years younger than me— the same difference between me and my father. That is even more odd to think about. This is how old my father always was when I was that age.

And I remember being ten years old.

But all I experienced growing up with my father has driven and inspired me to be the absolute best father I can be for my own daughter, who is somehow now Twilight Zone-y three years old! (And so brilliant you need sunglasses to even look at her!)

So tomorrow is Father’s Day…

But I love how my daughter makes every day Father’s Day for me.

Her really, really loves me, so I must be doing something right with my turn at this Daddy wheel. <3

 

4 comments

  1. mraeowl says:

    I have thought, since you made the decision to cut ties with your father, than you would connect with him again. On your own. Without any nudging. It has to be your choice.

    You are exactly right. He has been an incredible teacher in your life …. And while I do believe you would be an exemplary daddy without this compass called dad …. It has made you a better father because you have him as an example.

    We are all learning. We have all been hurt and have hurt others in our relationships. Your dad will not change. Love does not demand it either. Yet you have found a deeper love because of the times you have been hurt.

    In my own experiences, I am learning a lot about love. What it means…. And relationships …… It is a constant process and source of extreme learning. The most painful experiences are so often our most powerful teachers.

    I love you.

    Happy Father’s Day.