The last two and a half days, I have been out of my body. All this time has completely gone. Nothing but laying in bed, clutching my head, interrupted only by trips to the toilet bowl to wretch the rest of my body some more.
And what did I learn?
Listening to Melissa take care of and play with Julia outside the room, and then all four children when they were home from school, I could only think, “What a good mother she is…”
So used to having my help in all things running our household, I was suddenly gone, leaving her to hold everything together alone. And not only was I not physically present, I was not spiritually present either. She said she could not feel me anywhere near, only my body— I’ve never been that sick that long, and I certainly felt like I was dying.
And I learned that I am NOT ready to die.
It’s NOT time to go Home yet.
As frustrating as this plane can be… as annoying as it is… Melissa and I have so much more to experience together, so much more work to do… Julia has only just begun— I long to see her grow and change and learn and bloom… each kidlet enhances my life to a degree I never dreamed I’d have… and my own work— both artistic and spiritual— have also just begun to adopt solid form and structure, manifesting and materializing the path before me…
I am going nowhere anytime soon.
And true, we are not guaranteed even past this very hour… the Lord of Death may knock at our door any moment… but until then, I claw my way back to the land of the Living, and blaze the trail for others to follow.
I have things to do!
I have learned so much, released so much, and come so far to let up now.
The freedom and strength discovered in this embrace is far more worth any annoyance or frustration— and the chance to teach by example…? Limitless.
I have only just begun to embody mySelf…
Mwah. I love you. <3